Women, Are You Dating an Asshole?

Women, it can be difficult to get an objective opinion on the quality of your man. You may view him as a “good guy” or even a “guy with a lot of potential,” but he may really be an asshole. That’s why I’ve devised this survey to help you determine if your man is an asshole or a regular guy.

1. Has your man had sex with a close friend or relative after you started seeing each other?

2. An important anniversary is today. Your man is most likely to:

A. Buy you dinner and flowers.
B. Apologize for forgetting it.
C. Watch sports with friends.
D. Have sex with a close friend or relative.

3. Has your man ever taken money from you without your knowledge, even if he had a “good reason?”

4. Your boyfriend has a difficult day at work. He is more likely to:

A. Engage you in conversation to reduce tension.
B. Drink every ounce of alcohol in the house.
C. Beat something or someone.
D. Job? My man doesn’t have a job!

5. The last gift you received from your man was:

A. Jewelry.
B. A vacuum.
C. A book on dieting.
D. An “I’m with Stupid” t-shirt for him.

6. While engaging in lovemaking, your man will:

A. Make sure your needs are met, ensuring you orgasm before or while he does.
B. Treat you like a sex doll, pleasuring himself without any regard for your desires.
C. Call out an ex-girlfriend’s name.
D. Call out your mom’s name.

Normally, at the end of a survey like this, there would be a key telling you how to grade it. If you are unable to grade the survey yourself, however, you are dating an asshole, and there’s ample reason for it. Get a clue.