It's Never Like It Is in the Movies

I blame the movie Grosse Pointe Blank. In it, John Cusack returns home for his high school reunion and meets up with Minnie Driver, who he stood up for the prom.

I didn’t stand up Janet; I don’t have the balls to do something like that. Janet was always one of the quiet kids in honors classes. Our last names are very close, so we sat next to each other and have little chats. We also sat next to each other at graduation. When the principal started announcing the names that begin with the letter “W,” Janet disclosed to me that she had a crush on me for a long time. I’m not a suave as John Cusack, so I stared at the floor and mumbled something. Graduation ended, and I never saw Janet again.

After watching Grosse Pointe Blank, I started thinking about Janet. Maybe she’s wondered about me too. Maybe she’s a sophisticated urbanite who lives in Portland as I do and has gone through a bunch of dead-end relationships. Maybe she’s looking to rekindle an old flame to help cure the boredom and loneliness.

Last year, I was excited to find Janet on Facebook. She lives in a Denver suburb not far from our high school. Her pictures show that she’s put on a lot of weight that doesn’t look good on her. Every status update is about her cats, reality TV, or obvious political causes like supporting Haiti.

Perhaps if I hadn’t been so shy, I could have sent Janet down the path of a more interesting existence. Or she could have sucked me into the black hole of Denver suburbs, Amazing Race marathons, and vacuuming cat hair.

My ten-year high school reunion is this year. I think I’ll pass.