Friday, December 17, 2010

The Copier

How could she decide to leave me? I know we had problems, but we could have worked through them. There’s no reason to end it when we were so good together. Just writing about it makes me want to cry again.

If only she could see how hurt she has made me, maybe she would reconsider. She’s a kind and sympathetic person. She wouldn’t want to see someone in pain, especially someone she cares about. Somehow I have to show her.

I’ve been working late a lot to try to take my mind off of her. This hasn’t been successful, as I’ve had to stifle crying at work, and sometimes stifling doesn’t work. So I came up with a plan. Instead of holding back the tears, I let them out and put my face on the copier. Then I made a bunch of copies. When she saw page after page of my sadness, she’d know just how hurt I am and want to comfort me.

Of course, the copies didn’t turn out perfectly. My face pressed against the glass, complete with flattened nose and opened mouth, looks more grotesquely humorous than sad. Also, after crying for a short time, the condensation from my breath and pool of tears and saliva that collected on the copier glass quickly turned my face into a white blob with blurry eyes. Regardless, I collated the copies, put them in a manila envelope, addressed it to her, and sent it in the company mail. Maybe she’ll still get the message. Maybe she’ll see how pitiful it is and feel sorry for me.

If this doesn’t work, I’ll just have to try an even more pathetic gesture, because I haven’t got any better ideas.

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