You work in one of the most exciting and talked about industries. People all over the world view and admire your work. You get to make some of the most desirable people in the world do and say whatever comes into your head. And yet, you do a really poor job.
I’m talking of course about pornography screenwriters. Granted, these people have to work under some limitations. Usually, their budgets are rather small, so the special effects budget is more like TV’s “Land of the Lost” than the movie “Avatar.” Also, the volume of porn being made dictates that the scripts are written quickly. It can be difficult to come up with new and unique reasons for two (or three or more) people to have sex. Regardless, this is no excuse for lazy scriptwriting.
• “Bill told us that we should stay here and wait. What should we do while we’re waiting?” “I have an idea.” [Sex ensues.] Really, is this the best you can do?
• [Someone walks in while two people are fucking.] “What are you two doing?” “Come join us.” Has this ever happened to anyone ever outside of a swingers’ party?
• I also have a hard time thinking that bored, attractive housewives spend all day waiting for the plumber/pool guy/pizza deliveryman to come by so they can screw. The concept has become a tiered cliché.
Look, I’m not asking for David Mamet, but is it too much to ask for something new and fresh to fill in the gaps between naked people sucking on things and sticking body parts into other body parts?
What the hell am I saying? As long as attractive people are having sex, I don’t care what they say.
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