In the Mind of Men

Do women know what goes through a man’s head during sex? Do they think we’re focusing on how great of a sex god we are? Do they think we are concentrating on rhythm and technique? Or do the think we are thinking about baseball?

In my case, I’m usually thinking about not coming. Years of masturbation have trained me that:

Naked woman moaning + Vigorous friction on my unit = A sputtering mess

Although a quickly-produced sockfull of goo is useful when you’re trying to rub one out before the roommate returns from the 7-11, it is less useful during sex, where women want to enjoy the act and have it last for more than a minute.

The most effective way to stave off the inevitable ejaculation is to stop the action for a moment. This usually causes the orgasmic imperative to subside. Unfortunately, when she’s yelling, “Don’t stop!” stopping would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

Recently, while trying to not come, I noticed that I had a snot in my nose. I wanted to blow it, but I was predisposed. Focusing on its chlorine-like smell and how it felt in the nostril made me last like a porn star. The next time I had sex, I was able to last as long by just thinking about having a snot in my nose.

The technique only worked for so long. Psychologists talk about positive reinforcement, where when you get a reward for certain activity, you tend to repeat the activity. For me, the reward for a snot was awesome sex. Now, every time I get a snot in my nose, I get turned on.

Maybe I should think about baseball.