The Breakup

After you’ve been with the same woman for seven years and living together for five of those years, it was particularly difficult when the relationship dissolved. Although the time was right for us to break up, there are lots of things I miss about being in a relationship. Obviously, I miss the sex, but I also miss having someone around to do something with. I don’t have the courage to go to brunch or the movies by myself.

The worst part of the breakup though was the splitting of the things we had acquired together. In the end, I gave up the LCD TV, the living room and most of the bedroom furniture, and the apartment we shared. I got the microwave, the bed, and most importantly, I got the dog Wendell. I felt that I got the better of the break. Granted, I have less stuff, but I couldn’t imagine dealing with the breakup and loneliness without having Wendell to cuddle and hang out with. I had to spend a lot on a security deposit for my new apartment and I can’t live in the cool neighborhood that I want to, but it’s worth it to have Wendell around.

After two weeks of living in my new apartment, I had to give Wendell back to my ex. Wendell’s been great, but he has an annoying tendency that I can’t live with. Every time I masturbate, Wendell stares at me. I don’t know if Wendell is driven by sexual desires, curiosity, or some strange instinctual compulsion, but his peering eyes ruin the moment. I’ll miss Wendell, but I know I’ll miss orgasm more.