The world is abuzz with the avalanche of classified information contained in the latest WikiLeaks document dump. Over 250,000 cables have been made public, and the press is busy devouring them to give us the juiciest bits. Of course, 250,000 documents is a lot to read and digest. Some of the contents are mundane or don’t do much to further our understanding of the US and its relations to the world. My crack team and I have spent hours combing the documents to bring you the highlights (or dimlights) of the least important leaked documents from WikiLeaks.
• Osama Bin Laden is a big fan of Martha Stewart. His cave is filled with paper mache ornaments and decorative gourds.
• Russian President Dmitry Medvedev claims to know a lot about Sarah Palin, since he’s flown over her state many times.
• The Saudi Royal Family is really, really rich.
• French President Nicolas Sarkozy is so vain that he thinks Carly Simon wrote a whole song just about him.
• The Prime Minister of Canada Stephen Harper is considered by American diplomats to be pleasant and polite. It’s also believed that he has a speech impediment, as he has trouble pronouncing the word “about” and frequently ends sentences with “eh.”
• Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych thinks that Gem is truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.
• According to comments overheard by US diplomats, Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan has a very small penis. Later, it was determined that someone in the other room was watching a rerun or South Park.
• George W. Bush liked to play with green plastic army men in the Oval Office and was particularly adept at making the “phew phew” sound whenever someone used a laser.
hahahahahhahaha!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe Gem one had me rolling, I used to love that show!!!!!!