Fashionable Amish has been gaining steadily in readership over the months, but there are still forces that are holding back its popularity. Perhaps the greatest force is the belief that I’m somehow not “genuine.” My critics have accused me of being a professional writer’s side project.
I’m eager to prove them wrong. Sarah Palin’s new reality TV show demonstrates that she’s a real Alaskan. Maybe I can prove my bonifieds with my own six-part reality TV show – Will Divide Conquers.
Episode 1 focuses on getting to know Will. You’ll see his cramped studio basement apartment with pictures of naked women on the wall. There, Will writes his blog unshaven and in his underwear. Will visits his dealer (face blurred) where he buys copious amounts of pot.
Episode 2 is my favorite. The theme to this episode is, “Can Will Divide go the whole day just smoking pot, masturbating, and eating Cheetos?” I don’t want to ruin the ending for you, but I will say chaffing is involved.
Episode 3 has Will trying to drunkenly pick up women. Needless to say, this is unsuccessful. The episode ends with Will masturbating to Hentai with a tentacle monster.
Episode 4 is a visit from Will Divide Jr. The elder Will let’s junior go on a $20 shopping spree at the 7-11. This episode contains a lot of farting and giggling.
Episode 5 has Will trying to kill all of the roaches in his apartment. Exacerbated, Will gets high and masturbates. He then writes a blog about it.
In episode 6, Will is dressed in a suit explaining that the whole series has been a ruse to establish his reputation as a legitimate blogger. Later in the episode, we find out this is all BS, and Will really is a degenerate loser.
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