Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Career in Pronography

I know this sounds like bullshit, but I’ve never been that “into” internet porn. My imagination is a much better masturbatory aid than the internet could ever be. Just get me thinking about my girlfriend Heather in that nighty that’s a little too short for her….

While at the gym, my friend Craig mentioned that Heather looks remarkably like 70s nude model Roberta Pedon, only with smaller breasts. Craig seems to think everyone looks like someone from the 70s, but I was still curious. Maybe in addition to having a beautiful, smart, and fun girlfriend, I also have the object of 50 year-old guys’ teenage masturbatory fantasies.

I decided to see if I could find a picture of Ms. Pedon to see is Craig was right, so I typed retro porn into Google. The first link I clicked brought up a bunch of pop up windows. One of the pop-ups had the sound turned up and featured a man roughly having sex with a woman. I went to the window making noise so I could close it. The noise was coming from a video clip from what looked like the early 80s of a pregnant woman receiving anal sex.

At first I thought, “Who gets off on this stuff?” Then I looked closer at the woman. It was my mom! Worse yet, it looked like it was filmed a month or two before I was born.

I know mom had a rough time around the time in the early 80s, but I didn’t know she did pornography. Frankly, even though I’m covered by belly, I still feel violated. I was a porn actor before I was born. Needless to say, I’ll never look at internet porn again. I can’t imagine seeing anything more horrific.

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