You’re a good person. You consider yourself to be honest, and you love and respect your elders. So why would you lie to your grandma?
Sure, you’re intentions are good. You want to show her that you love her and that she’s special, so you bought her a “World’s Greatest Grandma” mug. By doing this, you’ve dishonored her greatly.
How is this possible? Well, there are literally millions of grandparents in the US, with more added every day. Unless you surveyed e very one of them every day, you have know way of definitively knowing that your grandma is the best. Yes, your grandma makes the best Christmas cookies and buys nice birthday sweaters, but some grandmas are working to cure cancer, alleviate hunger, and fight the terrorists. No matter how great the Christmas cookies are, they’re no cure for cancer. The mug you lovingly bought is a big lie.
But it doesn’t have to be. Here at Timony Industries, we are proud to unveil our new line of Asterisk Novelties. Yes, our sweatshirt says “World’s Greatest Grandma,” only our sweatshirt has an asterisk after it. On the bottom of the shirt in the back, in small print, it says, “Based on an unscientific and highly biased survey.”
Why limit the honesty to grandmas? We also have products that say “World’s Greatest Lover,” with the disclaimer saying, “That someone with my appearance and socioeconomic status can reasonably have without too much effort.” Or “World’s Greatest Boss,” where the small print says, “Ok, I realize you’re probably not he greatest, but at least you don’t berate me in front of coworkers. Please don’t fire me.”
Whether it’s a mug, keychain, license plate holder, or a sweatshirt, Timony Industries Aserisk Novelties allow you to show you care without making you a liar.
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