You have a lot of strong opinions. You’ve thought long and hard about religion, politics, art, and philosophy. You post your well-thought out comments on Facebook, and have succeeded at annoying all of your friends, relatives, and that girl you had a crush on in fourth grade. Even though you care deeply about your opinions, you have no audience for them, and no one to debate with.
That’s where we come in. Timony Industries is proud to announce its new subscription-based email service – “We Argue with You.” No longer will your brilliant opinion fall on deaf ears. Our team of underemployed college educated readers will read your screed, whether coherent or incoherent. You’ll know that we have read your email, because you’ll receive a response saying something like, “You’re right,” or, “Wow. I never thought of it that way,” or, “That point you made about Obama being a secret Muslim born in Kenya really resonates with me.”
Not satisfied with a simple response? Want to have a real discussion? For a larger subscription fee, we will write a response that is sure to ruffle your feathers. Our readers have extensive experience researching all sorts of issues using the latest in Google search technology to come up with reasonable-sounding arguments to counter your opinions. You’ll be angry, but mostly you’ll be engaged.
Not fully satisfied to debate over email? For a platinum-level subscription, you get the additional “Full Satisfaction” service. Someone from Timony Industries will visit your home or a location of your choosing. Our representative will berate your ideas to your face. When you reach the boiling point, you can slap, kick, or otherwise inflict violence on our representative until you feel satisfied that your opinion is superior.
Don’t keep your thoughts to yourself. Try “We Argue with You” today!
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