It’s hardly a secret that I would like to be more famous. One reason I want fame is that famous people get to have sex with other famous people, instead of just masturbating to images of them on the internet. Also, the Will Divide action figure isn’t selling well enough to recoup my initial large investment. Plus, it would be nice to be remembered by the kids in my elementary school as something other than the creepy kid that accidentally exposed his left testicle in gym class.
With this in mind, I watched in interest as the miners trapped in a well for over two months were rescued in Chile. Congratulations to them for surviving and all, but what really interests me about their story is how they became international celebrities. Miners die all the time. If the story were “33 Miners Killed in Chilean Mine Collapse,” you would have skipped past it to read the story about the winner of the ugly dog contest or the dumb thing that Christine O’Donnell said. (Here’s a story from July about 38 Chinese miners being killed. Remember this incident? Of course you don’t.) Instead, the miners in Chile were trapped alive, which captured the imagination of people all over the world.
How can I become world-famous like the Chilean miners? I thought about hanging myself outside the proposed site for the Islamic community center in Manhattan, but I think a prerequisite of my fame should be that I survive the incident that precipitates it. I’ve considered falling down a well, but that would be considered brazen copycat-ism and would hamper my ability to blog. So I’ll solicit ideas today on how to be more famous and print the best idea in my blog tomorrow.