I hate the Nobel Prizes. Every year, they give it to some egghead at a university somewhere. The prize comes with $1.4 million. The people who win the award don’t need the money, since they make so much from their fat academic jobs. They should give the award to average people who make life better for their friends and community. If you just focused on my group of friends, we should have several Noble Prizes by now.
After getting high in the parking lot, my friends and I went to Denny’s for some grub. Ed ordered some chicken strips with barbecue sauce, and Pam got a Caesar salad with the dressing on the side. When our food came, Ed came up with the idea of combining the barbecue sauce with the Caesar dressing. The resulting Caesarque is a delicious concoction that we now order every time we’re at Denny’s. For coming up with Caesarque, Ed should be awarded the Noble Prize for Chemistry.
About 10 years ago I was at a party. Sandra was passed out after drinking Jager shots as if they were Hawaiian Punch. This guy Steve who we used to hang out with was there too. Steve and Sandra were flirting earlier, so Steve thought it was his right drag Sandra into a bedroom and have his way. Fucking a passed out chic is not cool, and I told Steve that. Eventually, I had to shove Steve to stop him, which drew the attention of other partygoers. When I explained Steve’s intentions to everyone, the host made him leave. Since I prevented a sexual assault, I should get the Nobel Peace Prize. Shit, I’m at least as qualified to win the Peace Prize as Obama. Unlike him, I am not the Commander in Chief during two wars.
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