Wanted - Team of Graduate Students

Internationally-renowned blogger seeks a team of at least three graduate degree students to serve as interns. Group should consist of at least one Asian student (since all teams of graduate students should include one Asian person to give it an air of quality and legitimacy). Also, the group should have one reasonably attractive female student (to be the recipient of drunken passes from the blogger, which will be followed by hung-over but sincere apologies the next day. Apologies only apply if the drunken pass is not accepted, naturally.)

Essential functions of graduate intern team include:

• Responding to cease and desist emails in a way that sounds lawyerly but still expresses the necessary “fuck you.”
• Good marijuana locating skills for when the bloggger is out.
• The ability to recount depraved sexual acts, so that the blogger can post them when he is experiencing writer’s block.
• The skills necessary to repair the transmission on a 1993 Mazda B220 truck, which has been sitting idle in the blogger’s driveway for three months.
• Extensive knowledge of where to find frequently-updated, high-resolution internet pornography.
• Friendly relationships with people from Africa so the blogger can get a fucking web hit from the continent already.
• Web development skills, so the part in the “About Me” section of the blog that says that the postings are “original fiction” is in big, bright letters, perhaps with flashing lights around them.
• Yard work, housekeeping, grocery shopping, and other errands as necessary.

In lieu of money, graduate student interns will receive credit toward their graduate degree provided the students have professors stupid enough to allow their students to intern for an unemployed 30-something that publishes bullshit on the internet while in his underwear.

Email wmdivide@gmail.com if interested.