I’m beginning to understand how this dating thing is supposed to work, and under these rules I’m quite a catch. I’m 27, 6’1”, 180 lbs., with a head full of dark hair, chiseled facial features, and the body of an aerobics instructor. I own my own condo and have a job as a director in a small engineering firm. I dress impeccably, can pick out the right wine for any meal, read Emily Bronte and Willa Cather, and prefer movies with a plot to movies with explosions.
I’m not looking for anything unusual, just a woman who will love me and be patient with me.
If you’re reading this thinking that there’s got to be a catch, you’re right. Up until recently, I considered myself to be gay. I had boyfriends, went to gay bars, and even had a vacation in Fort Lauderdale that, if written about in a letter, would be rejected by Gay Penthouse for being too outrageous (if Gay Penthouse existed).
A couple of months ago, my parents told me that if I do not take a gay conversion class, they would disown me. I didn’t want to lose my parents, so I agreed. I now realize that my gay feelings were selfish and driven by lust. God has a different plan for me, which is apparently to marry a woman and make babies. I don’t want to be selfish, and that’s why I’ve placed this ad. I should point out that I am not attracted to women in any way, don’t think I can fall in love with a woman, and may relapse and have sex with men. This should change over time, though.
What do you say? Are you willing to take a chance on a catch with a catch?
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