Friday, April 23, 2010

Perverts Abound

Most of our customers in the junk removal business fall into one of two categories – people moving or dead people. The late Mr. Moreland fell into the latter. He apparently died of a heart attack in his mid-fifties and his wife had died a long time ago. His children had already taken away the stuff of value, and it was up to Tim and me to throw the rest of it into the back of the truck for the dump.

As usual, I got to clean out the crawlspace. There were some old cans of house paint and a ridiculously heavy window air conditioner. In a corner I found a box, which I handed to Tim. He opened it and found a bunch of VHS tapes with numbers on them.

At my company, we have an unwritten rule which I loathe – you must check out every mysterious video tape. This rule as caused me to think everyone in the world is a pervert. I’ve seen the most depraved stuff on dead people’s video collections. One day we found a bunch of child pornography in a dead guy’s house. We had to call the police and explain everything which took several unpaid hours to complete. This day I didn’t particularly care what Mr. Moreland’s kink was.

Tim found a little TV/VCR combo that the Moreland kids apparently didn’t want and put tape #9 on. The image of a middle aged man on a chair appeared. He explained that although he was no longer around, he still wanted to read his grandchild a story. He proceeded to read The Velveteen Rabbit, pausing to hold the pictures to the camera.

Tim was disappointed, but I was glad to learn that not everyone is a pervert.

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