Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Found in My Spam Folder IV

The FDA recently announced that the latest attempt to make “female Viagra” failed. Apparently, altering brain chemistry is as effective at increasing women’s sex drive as repeatedly pleading “c’mon!”

Studies have shown that as many as four in 10 women have suffered decreased libido. Men have been able to enjoy the benefits of Viagra and Levitra for years now. It’s about time modern science treated women’s lack of desire for sex as seriously as curing cancer or reversing global warming.

Here at Timony Enterprises, Inc., we take decreased female libido seriously. That’s why, after weeks of exhaustive (but pleasurable) research, Timony Enterprises is proud to announce the development of the first treatment that effectively increases female sex drive, The Spanish Fly Kit. What’s more, you can get it without a prescription! (Our CEO claims that if we had invented the Kit sooner, he wouldn’t have divorced his wife of 18 years for a 23-year old former Miss Oklahoma.)

The Spanish Fly Kit is a series of products that, when used in conjunction, will turn any woman from a cold fish into a wild jungle cat. Every kit contains:

• A 4 oz. bottle of “Sex on the Beach” – A potent, yet fruity, alcoholic concoction
• A short romance model with a long-haired, barrel-chested guy on the cover
• A packet of special tingling “personal” lubricant, to be applied just prior to penetration

The man has a role in increasing the woman’s libido as well. That’s why each Spanish Fly Kit also contains:

• A wet nap covered in musky cologne
• A laminated card full of useful phrases – phrases include “I care about your feelings,” and “You are much better looking than your sister.”

Don’t spend another sexless night watching Jay Leno. Order Timony Enterprises’ Spanish Fly Kit Today!

1 comment: