It’s a lot cheaper to market a movie if the movie-going public is already familiar with the subject matter. TV shows, comic books, and kids’ toys have all made the jump to the big screen in an attempt to thrill audiences and make a buck or 200,000,000. Some movies, like The Fugitive, do a pretty good job of it. Others, like Daredevil, make us wish that eye bleach is not a metaphorical product.
Hoping to make a movie closer to the $200,000,000 side of the equation, Paramount Pictures proudly presents its newest summer blockbuster – You Can’t Do That on Television. Dakota Fanning stars as a young woman who is put in front of a firing squad for a murder that she didn’t commit. Right before the executioners shoot, Fanning gets the firing squad to halt their actions. In the resulting confusion, Fanning escapes, and the captain of the firing squad is killed instead.
Fanning spends the rest of the movie as a fugitive from the law. In an attempt to capture her, the government develops a substance that, when applied to targets in large volumes, renders them unable to move. Government scientists call the substance “green slime.” After attempts to capture Fanning by green slime fail, they reconstitute the formula into foam form so that it can be hurled at targets and put the foam in a pie tin to make it easy to throw. Fanning is helped on her way by young people who pop out of lockers to give her advice, usually couched in bad puns.
If that isn’t enough, Paramount added Joe Jonas as a love interest, because girls like that sort of thing.
If You Can’t Do That on Television - The Move is a hit, Romper Room should be greenlighted for 2011.
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