Monday, June 7, 2010

An Important Message from BP

We here at BP take the current crisis in the Gulf of Mexico seriously. We know that accidents happen, and we are prepared for them. That’s why we’ve funded the campaigns of most of the judges in the area. An innocent mistake is no reason to see a once great company sued into bankruptcy.

Some “scientists” have complained that all of the oil in the Gulf is an environmental catastrophe. What these so-called “experts” don’t seem to understand is that we’ve never seen the Gulf full of this much oil. Oil is a natural substance. It’s entirely possible that the oil will enhance the environment, providing much needed nutrients to plant life and coating animals with a nice sheen of oil protecting them from the sun’s UV rays.

We’re lucky to have President Obama’s leadership during this difficult time. Without the equipment or know-how to stop the spill, Obama has done all he can to deal with the crisis. Still, other than the Jews, African Americans are the greatest scapegoats in modern history. (Ever see a white woman who murders her kids tell the police that an Asian guy did it?) It’s much easier to blame the mess on Obama than it would have been with our good friend George W. Bush still in the White House.

This oil spill has given BP a bad name. That’s why it’s good that we run Arco gas stations, so people who want to boycott BP may still frequent our Arco stations and not realize that they’re supporting us.

Here at BP, we realize that the oil spill in the gulf is no big deal. As long as we continue to “drill baby, drill,” we should be able to award stock dividends and large bonuses to our executives.

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