Friday, June 11, 2010

The Worst College Football Player Ever

Who is the best college football player ever? Some have made the case for Vince Young, after his incredible performance in the BCS Bowl game. Others say Archie Griffin, with his unprecedented two Heisman Trophies. Still others look to old-time football legends Red Grange and Jim Thorpe.

Who is the worst college football player of all time? I’d like to make the case for me.

First, the stats – 4 seasons, 9 games, 1.5 tackles. Sure, these are horrible stats, but they only tell half of the picture. I played for Beloit College from 1999-2002. During my four years at Beloit, the team compiled a record of 1-43. I did not play during the one win, as I was attending my grandmother’s funeral.

Beloit is a division III-A school, meaning it offers no scholarships. Since the school has around 1300 students, it can be difficult for Beloit to find players for the team. During my tenure, the team featured between 18 and 26 players. The lack of roster depth meant that some players played on both offense and defense. Despite the lack of roster depth, I only played during punt and kickoff returns in blowout games.

I did manage to get 1.5 tackles. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t deserve the half-tackle, since I merely piled on to someone who was already tackled, and the scorer inexplicably gave me a half tackle. The full tackle was all mine. The kick returner turned a corner and didn’t see me there. He ran into me and fell backwards with a concussion.

Despite my illustrious football career, I’m proud of it. I could have been the 37th worst college football player of all time. It takes a special talent to be the worst.

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