Finding success in business isn’t easy, especially if you enjoy spending most of your day in pajamas. Hugh Hefner does a good job of it, but he had to start out wearing pants to build his empire, only taking them off to screw some attractive model. Although model sex would be great, I’ll be satisfied if I can stay home all day in pajamas and watch the money roll in.
The key to making money is to find things that are undervalued (or temporarily undervalued) and then sell them at a higher price. The internet is a great way to accomplish this. I started my business by trolling through Craigslist finding things people were selling for less than they are worth. Although this proved to be somewhat lucrative, I spent a lot of money on gas picking up items throughout the Portland metro area. Plus, strangers generally frown upon it when you come to their door in flannel pants and a torn t-shirt.
I now have a new business model, dead celebrity memorabilia. Every day I check the news for celebrities with major illness. Dennis Hopper had inoperable prostate cancer, so I went on eBay and bought thousands of dollars worth of memorabilia – signed Easy Rider posters, the prop camera he used in Apocalypse Now, even the complete set of Topps Trading Cards for the Super Mario Bros. movie. Then Dennis Hopper died, and I can pay my rent for the next three years with the profit I made selling his memorabilia on eBay.
The only problem is that sometimes celebrities don’t die. Bret Michaels of the rock band Poison had a brain hemorrhage but recovered. However, if he fails to survive the arsenic poisoning I have planned for him next month, I should be able to buy a house.
You so funny!!!
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