Wednesday, June 9, 2010

No Blog Today

Drinking impairs many normal activities. Well documented is alcohol’s ability to impair one’s ability to drive. Also well established but not as well understood is alcohol’s ability to make one more dangerous while operating heavy machinery. It seems to me that the weight of the machine has little bearing on its level of dangerousness. One of those big old Solid State TVs is a lot heavier than a pistol, but I would rather be around a stumbling drunk watching TV than one with a .22 in his hand. But I digress.

I have been too drunk to do many things. Sometimes I am too drunk to fuck. Frequently I am too drunk to give people good advice. (“Yeah, she’s not that unattractive. C’mon, you want to get laid. I swear you won’t regret it.”) Today is a first for me. Right now I am too drunk to blog.

The day started with my sweetie and me consuming a liquid breakfast of mimosas and Blood Marys. It then graduated to liquid lunch consisting of shots of Jagermeister. I am now too drunk to operate a can opener, let alone a keyboard. (Have you ever wondered what the “Scroll Lock” button does? Hey, the floor looks pretty comfortable over there!)

So to my reading public out there in Internetlandia, I am sorry, but there will be no blog today. Check back tomorrow when I’m sure I will write something perverted or asinine or maybe make fun of conservatives again. Until that time, go read a Blondie comic strip. We both have the same kind of humor, so it should tide you over.

Oh wait, I’m pretty close to my 300-word limit. Never mind.

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