The Secret Society

Secret societies are stupid. How secret can the Freemasons be if everyone knows about them?

I guess that makes me an idiot, because I belong to a secret society. Of course, the secret society I belong to doesn’t have funny robes and ritualized chanting and only requires that I attend their annual party. I can do that.

I’ve been a member of the Raymond Robinson Society for three years now. They specialize in the grotesque and peculiar. Each year the Green Man Ball gets weirder.

This year’s ball did not disappoint. To enter the ball, you needed to go through a narrow passage between two sheets of rubber. Pressed up against the opposite, unexposed sides of the rubber were several naked portly people. You could not pass through the entryway without squeezing up against some flabby flesh.

This year’s food selection included sautéed maggots with lemongrass and truffle oil, squirrel brains in skull, and something called Hardcore X. I don’t know what Hardcore X is, as the point of Hardcore X is that you are eating some sort of mystery meat. Apparently it tastes like chicken

The highlight of the evening for me was the featured cocktail – the Burgundy Shower. The “bartender” took a small amount of wine and inserted it into a bag. He then attached the bag to a catheter tube, dropped his pants, and stuck the tube up his urethra. Once he emptied the bag, he pulled out a wine glass and “peed” the drink into it. I can’t explain why, but the way that the wine mixed with what was in the guy’s bladder made the drink especially smooth and flavorful.

I can’t wait to see what they come up with next year.