Fucking hell, Dan’s bachelor party was off the hook. In addition to Pabst and Jameson, Ben brought a bunch of coke and some Ketamine. I mean who brings Special K to a party? Big Willie was in charge of entertainment, and he did not disappoint. The stripper was beautiful and “willing.” Big Willie must have cleared out the booking agent’s Rolodex, because there were also three Latvian midgets, a raunchy magician, and a trained mule that liked sniffing Dan’s crotch. Dan’s cousins from Milwaukee were there, and they’re crazier than a group of frat boys at a whore house.
We started off the party by everyone doing a shot and a line. Dan’s father even participated. How crazy is that? We all got good and loose when the entertainment arrived.
[The following paragraph has been omitted by the censors at Google, Inc. We here at Google strive for absolute freedom on the internet. Unfortunately even Google needs to draw a line somewhere. Obviously child pornography is never permitted. We wouldn’t allow someone to post material grossly offensive to a major religion, such as the Danish newspaper did by publishing pictures of Allah and starting a jihad. Also, if we found out that a post encouraged awkward teenagers to form suicide pacts, we would censor that material. Although this censored paragraph contained none of the banned things listed here, the stuff the author wrote rises to their level. The world is a better, safer place because we censored the paragraph. Signed The Google Censorship Board.]
No one will ever be the same after that. And it wasn’t even New Years!
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