Man's Inner Animal

With modern technology, culture, and social networks, it’s easy to forget that we are animals. We need to eat, breathe, drink water, defecate, and menstruate just like all the other mammals that roam the planet.

Sometimes, the tools and instincts that benefited us in prehistoric times are detriments to us as civilized people. When people get nervous and excited, their bodies frequently produce adrenalin, which acts as a stimulant. This was useful for primitive man, who could use the burst of energy to aid with hunting mammoths or warring with the neighboring tribe. In modern times, a student may feel nervous anxiety about taking a major exam, but the simulative effects of adrenalin will be a detriment to his or her ability to concentrate.

This scenario also plays itself out during sex. Let’s say a man and a woman are having the greatest sexual experience of their lives. They find each other attractive, the room is comfortable, the light is low and soft, and the physical contact is ecstasy. Then the woman gets a hair in her mouth. Suddenly, everything has to stop while the woman wipes her lips across her forearm. If that fails, she may need to stick her thumb and forefinger into her mouth to pick the hair off of her tongue. Needless to say, interrupting coitus to root around the mouth is not very sexy.

And what’s the purpose of this instinctive reflex to remove hair from our mouths? Ostensibly it’s for hygienic purposes, but considering the participants may have had a tongue, penis, vagina, anus, foot, or rubberized reproduction of a giant phallus in their mouths, a hair is hardly a concern.

Since God somehow thought it important to prevent man from consuming sabertooth tiger hair, we now have to contend with awkward sex. Thanks God.