The perfect birthday present

My son Todd is difficult to buy gifts for, which is frustrating since I consider myself to be an expert gift-giver. My Mother-in-Law still raves about the meat smoker I bought her for Christmas. And my niece says that the karaoke system I bought for her wedding was her favorite gift. Despite my best efforts, I can never seem to get something that Todd likes.

Todd listens to a lot of music, so two years ago I bought him Rock Band for the PS3. I thought this gift would be a big hit, but when Todd opened the gift, he looked disinterested. I have never seen him play with it, and I don’t know where in the house he’s keeping it. Last year, his grandparents gave Todd their old Plymouth. I thought it would be cool to get him a great car stereo. I bought a new Alpine CD player complete with an IPod docking station and voice recognition. Within a month, Todd had pulled the stereo from the car.

This year, I was especially determined to find Todd something that he would like for his birthday. I thought about getting him a cool pair of Nikes, but that’s not good enough. I even looked into buying him an LCD TV, but I could see him unwrapping it and looking at the TV disapprovingly. After many unsatisfactory ideas, I realized the perfect gift was obvious. It’s something that I know Todd would use and enjoy – a big bag full of crack.

When Todd opened my present, his eyes got so wide I thought they would pop out of his head. His blistered lips formed a large grin that I hadn’t seen since he was a boy. It warms a mother’s heart to see her child so happy.